A LOT ,ONE HAS TO SEE BEFORE HE ACTUALLY WINS .

A LOT ,ONE HAS TO SEE BEFORE HE ACTUALLY WINS .

           

          Next  social animal stepped towards the extinction are farmers of the country.

It was noon time ,time was steady ,as usual we ,me and kishore bhai both were having night shift ,it was second night of the week, weawaken at 12.30 pm .Eyes were half opened  and a stressed wrinkled forehead showing our anxiety and frustration of the job that we aredoing. We were both sitting in our dining hall .Both were expressing our grievances, our attitude and philosophy regarding the job.

Me-kishore bhai is this is only the life.?? I distinctly  put up a question in front of him.

Kishore bhai- haha...( he made a loud laugh) .What does it mean??

Me- I mean ,in every two days ,our time of work changes, every day we get up to go for work and sleep so that after 12 hours again we need to get up ,we struggle for our sleep. We don't have any right time to eat. We don't have spare time to think about our self .We gotta good company to work, but is it enough to live a balanced life!!(I exclaimed..).If it is the life people think smooth and sustainable then my conclusions and drawings about the human life are very wrong or ideal. If it is the way to live then my opinion of being in my village and doing farming is far better, I suppose. Sometimes my mind strikes with such kind of ideas and takes me to feel the essence of farming that i used to feel in my childhood.

Then I began expressing him the essence of those wheat grid farms with a low speed wind, the yellow appearances of mustard fields, the green sheets of kharif over the disappeared land in rains.Sawan swings below the giant  shade tree and a melody added by cuckoo to the surrounding has lasting effects to my life. Yu know , When yu grow yur own yards of cereals, vegetables ,fruits both citric and sweet ,something yu are doing for yurself ,something that is not only limit to getting out of it but to live with it. When a plant grow ,yu take care of it like anything .It rejoices us, not frustrate or enforce us to do like that happens in professional world. There ,there is no hierarchy, everyone has their equal contribution where as in this world yur colleague are yur competitors ,yur boss is like a ghost to whom yu host every weekends to impress him or her. It seems even worse then hell ,I think ,I mean how people can accept this a way to live.( i keep on chattering ...and sometimes murmuring ....abusing ...and suddenly,he spoke )

Kishore bhai  - come down my dear .Yu have been in this world from last 8 months .I have spent 7 years ..and believe me as yu grow yu gotta a lot to see.( he  gave a strange laugh.)

But something yu reminded me about farming is...do yu really think farming could bring happiness and wealth to home.

Me- yes ,( i confidently said ) .But the thing is one must  be capable enough  and have much independent  land to cultivate  and harvest to take  enough out  of it.

Kishore bhai - hehe..( he sarcastically smile ),I  recommend yu to go once through the best writing of munshi premchand "godaan" to know the great vitality of a farmer. It depicts the socio-economic deprivation  ,exploitation ,patheticity ,anxiety ,internal disturbances ,external disturbances, livelihood dependency, casteism , child legacy , persecution  of zameendaars on villagers , compromisation   and cumulative debt swaddled  by a farmer just  for a shred of ancestral  land which leads to his  hopeless death .

Me- is it a type of fiction.??(I curiously asked)

Kishore bhai-yes…but it showed, which used to happen a that time .

I  read the story ,it was similar to that once my dadi use to tell us .Being a farmer  the hardships that she faced, she dug out 100 of acres of land and lived a life of farm worker for almost more than 25 years. She used to work for big land owners whole day and however able  to manage to buy a small one  bigha (1600 square metre)  land .She expressed how big zameendars  never allowed small farmers to grow , being a lady she had to face more problems ,big zameendars laid their leg in every step ,from growing to threshing  to cultivate that small land that she bought .Sometimes  they didn’t allow to irrigate the land at the right time and hence  crop failure  occurs which lead to huge loss for her. But she is too strong to win and conquered every fight ,situation and  obstacle from farming to family and  won over them  thus  however  she able to sustain at the time and  added value to her life.

After reading “GODAAN”  I come to remember the deprived situation of a farmer  whom I know from my childhood .His name was  keshu baa ,a man poorly destined to live a human life .He was not much old might be around 45 to 50 but seems as crossed 65.A thin clean shaved man always seems as face full of anxiety and a skeletal covered with loose skin , wearing a torn jabba to cover upper part of his  loose body and a small dhotty above the knee ,daily takes his two bulls and a cart with his whole family to fields to get something for livelihood. He resided nearby village, nearly two km from my village. He was rich enough to afford two times meal a day and a fresh air for survival. He used to cultivate land of others as he did not own much piece of land, he worked at fields day and night and even in heavy rains. In  march 2015  we got maawat (unseasonal rain) , wheat crop were just harvested ,a huge about 25 quintal of wheat was threshed and accommodated  in form of  dune of grains in field as he was not having enough sake to procure them. At  a  sudden it rained ,he couldn't save  his intensive hardship of 4 months ,grainsabsorbed moisture and lost it' s quality. Later they were sold at 8 rs kg instead of 16 rs per kg and he couldn't make anything out of  it. He was already in huge debt. In  month of April of the same  year ,when I visited my village  ,my brother told me that he died.I further inquired and got an usual answer which every poor farmer of the country faces. He   never lived but sustained too much to survive. He alwayslooked  upon as he is just pushing the days to pass as debt of his mother who once withstood  the pain of pregnancy. One day he attained a small  fever and collapsed. Nobody could  try to cure as they were  poor and  left him to die. The most surprising thing was that her spouse  even collapsed within 12 days ,thus how they got justice of being farmer.

Indian has been a agrarian country with around 70%of it’s population depending directly and indirectly upon agriculture .Since last 10 years farmer suicides are continuum and monotonically increasing .About 12% of suicides accounts for farmers and crop failure is the main reason that evolves after being surveyed. The expressed reasons in order of problem faced are debt due to private money lenders, low produce prices, poor irrigation, increased cost of cultivation, fertilizer cost and natural crop failure. Reason that leading to aspire to remove the hand from this sector is the poor agriculture income. The desperate condition of farmers is due to low income and sometimes the scenario is worst, many times farmer’s net value income comes out to be surprised that they have to pay from their empty pockets.

Once my brother was discussing about a known fact ,a neighbor in my village once was accounting his net gain from a kharif crop called “ganwaar” (industrial product),while calculating all expenditure and the price he got after selling 200kg  of grains at rate of 40rs/kg in one bigha(approximately 1600 square metre)  was  found a work of no gain no loss.

Being a farm kid from the plains  of southern Rajasthan , the acquaintance  with the condition ,a farmer is facing in today’s growing world that I have seen from my childhood are..

Per capita land own by a farmers is less ,hence they rented the land from big zameendars  and which reduces their gross income to half, in case of crop failure they have to bear the whole loss.

 Poor crop planning –many times net outcomes depends on quantity grown,limited availability of land limits the type of crop that should be grown, they are also unaware of market demand and hence faces huge fluctuation in prices. Price of “ganwaar” (kharif crop)in 2016 shooted  from 40 to 200rs/kg  because of industrial demand. Also many times poor water management for crops leads to crop failure.

Cost of seeds, fertilizer and the accurate quantity required is unknown to farmers .Many times unavailability of fertilizers leads to poor yield .

Growing – With limited resources, farmers depend on borrowed money to purchase seeds and other inputs and to farm their land. A drop in their farm income could quickly lead to farmers owing more than they own. Lack of equipments ,many times in rainy season ,farmers unable to sow their seed at right time when land after a accurate rainfall becomes mature to accept the seeds, as very few farmers own tractors and bulls .This problem is faced every year in my village.

Storage-lack of storage leads to selling of commodity at current price whether it is suitable to sell or not.

Selling-there are no government collection centres in villages,hence prices are regulated or manipulated by private buyers .

Well, farmers of our country has become the endangered species that stepped  towards the extinction. Government of the country whether it is state or central are no doubt bothered about us but could not resolve even the marked problems. They subsides the price of fertilizers and seeds but in return lower the prices of selling commodity. It gives pipes, irrigation facilities but limited electricity whereas for industrial development and production there is continuous supply of electricity. It gives  crop insurance but no assurance  that it would safely reach to farmers. On mass crop failure, compensation amount of Rs 10 is  enveloped to farmers. Thousands of farmers like keshu baa are stressed of debt, poor hospitality, child marriage, low income just because their occupation is farming.

Farmers  are the indispensable  face on earth.

Saving them is likely ,saving  our own berth.

We believe in amber waves of grain.

A man on his knees praying for rain.

They get tougher as their lives

The hard, full of anxiety ,just to survive.

Help them to live a human life,

Don’t leave them just to sustain the life.

           

          Next  social animal stepped towards the extinction are farmers of the country.

It was noon time ,time was steady ,as usual we ,me and kishore bhai both were having night shift ,it was second night of the week, we awaken at 12.30 pm .Eyes were half opened  and a stressed wrinkled forehead showing our anxiety and frustration of the job that we are doing. We were both sitting in our dining hall .Both were expressing our grievances, our attitude and philosophy regarding the job.

Me-kishore bhai is this is only the life.?? I distinctly  put up a question in front of him.

Kishore bhai- haha...( he made a loud laugh) .What does it mean??

Me- I mean ,in every two days ,our time of work changes, every day we get up to go for work and sleep so that after 12 hours again we need to get up ,we struggle for our sleep. We don't have any right time to eat. We don't have spare time to think about our self .We gotta good company to work, but is it enough to live a balanced life!!(I exclaimed..).If it is the life people think smooth and sustainable then my conclusions and drawings about the human life are very wrong or ideal. If it is the way to live then my opinion of being in my village and doing farming is far better, I suppose. Sometimes my mind strikes with such kind of ideas and takes me to feel the essence of farming that i used to feel in my childhood.

Then I began expressing him the essence of those wheat grid farms with a low speed wind, the yellow appearances of mustard fields, the green sheets of kharif over the disappeared land in rains.Sawan swings below the giant  shade tree and a melody added by cuckoo to the surrounding has lasting effects to my life. Yu know , When yu grow yur own yards of cereals, vegetables ,fruits both citric and sweet ,something yu are doing for yurself ,something that is not only limit to getting out of it but to live with it. When a plant grow ,yu take care of it like anything .It rejoices us, not frustrate or enforce us to do like that happens in professional world. There ,there is no hierarchy, everyone has their equal contribution where as in this world yur colleague are yur competitors ,yur boss is like a ghost to whom yu host every weekends to impress him or her. It seems even worse then hell ,I think ,I mean how people can accept this a way to live.( i keep on chattering ...and sometimes murmuring ....abusing ...and suddenly,he spoke )

Kishore bhai  - come down my dear .Yu have been in this world from last 8 months .I have spent 7 years ..and believe me as yu grow yu gotta a lot to see.( he  gave a strange laugh.)

But something yu reminded me about farming is...do yu really think farming could bring happiness and wealth to home.

Me- yes ,( i confidently said ) .But the thing is one must  be capable enough  and have much independent  land to cultivate  and harvest to take  enough out  of it.

Kishore bhai - hehe..( he sarcastically smile ),I  recommend yu to go once through the best writing of munshi premchand "godaan" to know the great vitality of a farmer. It depicts the socio-economic deprivation  ,exploitation ,patheticity ,anxiety ,internal disturbances ,external disturbances, livelihood dependency, casteism , child legacy , persecution  of zameendaars on villagers , compromisation   and cumulative debt swaddled  by a farmer just  for a shred of ancestral  land which leads to his  hopeless death .

Me- is it a type of fiction.??(I curiously asked)

Kishore bhai-yes…but it showed, which used to happen a that time .

I  read the story ,it was similar to that once my dadi use to tell us .Being a farmer  the hardships that she faced, she dug out 100 of acres of land and lived a life of farm worker for almost more than 25 years. She used to work for big land owners whole day and however able  to manage to buy a small one  bigha (1600 square metre)  land .She expressed how big zameendars  never allowed small farmers to grow , being a lady she had to face more problems ,big zameendars laid their leg in every step ,from growing to threshing  to cultivate that small land that she bought .Sometimes  they didn’t allow to irrigate the land at the right time and hence  crop failure  occurs which lead to huge loss for her. But she is too strong to win and conquered every fight ,situation and  obstacle from farming to family and  won over them  thus  however  she able to sustain at the time and  added value to her life.

After reading “GODAAN”  I come to remember the deprived situation of a farmer  whom I know from my childhood .His name was  keshu baa ,a man poorly destined to live a human life .He was not much old might be around 45 to 50 but seems as crossed 65.A thin clean shaved man always seems as face full of anxiety and a skeletal covered with loose skin , wearing a torn jabba to cover upper part of his  loose body and a small dhotty above the knee ,daily takes his two bulls and a cart with his whole family to fields to get something for livelihood. He resided nearby village, nearly two km from my village. He was rich enough to afford two times meal a day and a fresh air for survival. He used to cultivate land of others as he did not own much piece of land, he worked at fields day and night and even in heavy rains. In  march 2015  we got maawat (unseasonal rain) , wheat crop were just harvested ,a huge about 25 quintal of wheat was threshed and accommodated  in form of  dune of grains in field as he was not having enough sake to procure them. At  a  sudden it rained ,he couldn't save  his intensive hardship of 4 months ,grains absorbed moisture and lost it' s quality. Later they were sold at 8 rs kg instead of 16 rs per kg and he couldn't make anything out of  it. He was already in huge debt. In  month of April of the same  year ,when I visited my village  ,my brother told me that he died.I further inquired and got an usual answer which every poor farmer of the country faces. He   never lived but sustained too much to survive. He always looked  upon as he is just pushing the days to pass as debt of his mother who once withstood  the pain of pregnancy. One day he attained a small  fever and collapsed. Nobody could  try to cure as they were  poor and  left him to die. The most surprising thing was that her spouse  even collapsed within 12 days ,thus how they got justice of being farmer.

Indian has been a agrarian country with around 70%of it’s population depending directly and indirectly upon agriculture .Since last 10 years farmer suicides are continuum and monotonically increasing .About 12% of suicides accounts for farmers and crop failure is the main reason that evolves after being surveyed. The expressed reasons in order of problem faced are debt due to private money lenders, low produce prices, poor irrigation, increased cost of cultivation, fertilizer cost and natural crop failure. Reason that leading to aspire to remove the hand from this sector is the poor agriculture income. The desperate condition of farmers is due to low income and sometimes the scenario is worst, many times farmer’s net value income comes out to be surprised that they have to pay from their empty pockets.

Once my brother was discussing about a known fact ,a neighbor in my village once was accounting his net gain from a kharif crop called “ganwaar” (industrial product),while calculating all expenditure and the price he got after selling 200kg  of grains at rate of 40rs/kg in one bigha(approximately 1600 square metre)  was  found a work of no gain no loss.

Being a farm kid from the plains  of southern Rajasthan , the acquaintance  with the condition ,a farmer is facing in today’s growing world that I have seen from my childhood are..

Per capita land own by a farmers is less ,hence they rented the land from big zameendars  and which reduces their gross income to half, in case of crop failure they have to bear the whole loss.

 Poor crop planning –many times net outcomes depends on quantity grown,limited availability of land limits the type of crop that should be grown, they are also unaware of market demand and hence faces huge fluctuation in prices. Price of “ganwaar” (kharif crop)in 2016 shooted  from 40 to 200rs/kg  because of industrial demand. Also many times poor water management for crops leads to crop failure.

Cost of seeds, fertilizer and the accurate quantity required is unknown to farmers .Many times unavailability of fertilizers leads to poor yield .

Growing – With limited resources, farmers depend on borrowed money to purchase seeds and other inputs and to farm their land. A drop in their farm income could quickly lead to farmers owing more than they own. Lack of equipments ,many times in rainy season ,farmers unable to sow their seed at right time when land after a accurate rainfall becomes mature to accept the seeds, as very few farmers own tractors and bulls .This problem is faced every year in my village.

Storage-lack of storage leads to selling of commodity at current price whether it is suitable to sell or not.

Selling-there are no government collection centres in villages,hence prices are regulated or manipulated by private buyers .

Well, farmers of our country has become the endangered species that stepped  towards the extinction. Government of the country whether it is state or central are no doubt bothered about us but could not resolve even the marked problems. They subsides the price of fertilizers and seeds but in return lower the prices of selling commodity. It gives pipes, irrigation facilities but limited electricity whereas for industrial development and production there is continuous supply of electricity. It gives  crop insurance but no assurance  that it would safely reach to farmers. On mass crop failure, compensation amount of Rs 10 is  enveloped to farmers. Thousands of farmers like keshu baa are stressed of debt, poor hospitality, child marriage, low income just because their occupation is farming.

Farmers  are the indispensable  face on earth.

Saving them is likely ,saving  our own berth.

We believe in amber waves of grain.

A man on his knees praying for rain.

They get tougher as their lives

The hard, full of anxiety ,just to survive.

Help them to live a human life,

Don’t leave them just to sustain the life.

                                                                                      

                                                                                                वा रे जिंदगी

अच्छा खासा सो रहा था पता नहीं कहाँ से एक ब़डा ही विचित्र सपना प्रत्यक्ष आ खडा हुआ है ,भयभीत हो उठा हूँ,मन बेचैन सा हो गया है । आज सपने में दादी से जीने की वजह पूछ डाली,जो कतेही नहीं पूछनी चाहीए थी। दादी के पास इस प्रश्न का उत्तर बना बनाया प़डा था,बस इंतजार था  तो मेरे जैसे किसी जिघासा पूर्ण व्यक्ति के पूछने का, उत्तर था मरने के लिए ।एक बार के लिए  तो लगा दादी ऐसे ही हँसी दिल लगी कर रही है मुझसे ,पर नहीँ ,मुख्य बात यह थी कि वह बोली में लाख कोशिश करने के बावजूद उसमें छिपी उस मार्मिकता को छिपाने मे असक्षम रही जिसे जानने के लिए मैं बडा व्याकुल था। दादी 80 साल की है,जिंदगी की बडी अच्छी समझ लिए थी। फिर मैने दादी को विस्तार से समझाने को कहा ,मेरी यह जानने की तीव्र इच्छा थी कि दादी ने अपनी जिने की वजह मरना है इसलिए क्यों कहा ।

                                 व्यक्ति जन्म लेता है,तो मैं बीच में जट से बोल पडा. हां वो तो मैने भी लिया है। दादी मुझे फटकार कर आगे बडी, व्यक्ति जिंदगी  के हर पडाव पर एक लक्ष्य निधार्रित करता है,उसे पाने के लिए वह काम करता है,काम करता है तो उसका समय कटता है,इसलिए बिना लक्ष्य बाधें समय काटना मेरी समझ के बाहर है।और यहीं से शुरू होती होती है  जिंदगी की स्पर्धा ,समय के साथ साथ रुचियाँ बदलती है, नये नये लक्ष्य  जुडते चले जाते है , और जो व्यक्ति यह करने में नाकाम रहता है,वह आत्मदाह कर लेता है,कयोँ कि वह जिंदगी जीने की वजह ढुढने मे नाकाम रहता है। इसी दौरान ससांरिक कष्ट,वेदना ,शारीरिक पीडा जैसी विपदाएं भी समक्ष आ खडी होती चली जाती है,लेकिन इन सब से ऊपर उठकर जो जिना सिख लेता है ,वही सही मान्य़ में जीवन के रस पाने योग्य है,इसे ही जिना कहते है । जिंदगी की वास्तविकता बताने के दौरान दादी ने बडी ही अनोखी विचारधारा मेरे प्रत्यक्ष ला पटकी। व्यक्ति जिस सुख के पीछे भागता है दरअसल वह दुख के अभाव के बिना संभव नहीं।स्थायी जिंदगी नहीं जी जा सकती। दुख के आभास के बिना सुख का आभास नहीं किया जा सकता । दुख है तो उससे निकलने की एक वजह जिंदगी जिने की वजह बन जाती है और इसलिए खुदा ने दुख-सुख दोनो को साथ संजोया है। मिठा फल कडवे फल से अच्छा लगता है पर क्यों,क्यों कि वह कडवा नहीं है।बिना कडवे की पहचान के बिना फल मीठा कैसे हो सकता है।दादी के इस उदाहरण ने मुझे बडी सहजता से दुख-सुख दोनो की आवश्यकता  का बोध करा दिया। किंतु अभी भी मैं किसी निष्कर्ष पर नहीं पहुँच पाया और नहीं जान पाया कि दादी ने अपने जीने की वजह मरना है क्यों बताया। य़ह सब जानने के बाद मेरी व्याकुलता  और तीव्र हो उठी,और दादी के प्रत्यक्ष यही सवाल ला पटका।

                                   दादी स्तब्ध रह गई मानों वह उस सवाल का जवाब अपने अंदर ही रखना चाहती थी।उसकी आवाज. कपकपाने लगी,मार्मिकता का स्थर भी ऊपर उठ गया। अपनी दादी की आवाज. में एक डर साफ दिखाई पड रहा था मुझे।  हिम्मत करके वह बोल पडी,क्यों की मेरे पास अब कोई लक्ष्य नहीं है निश्चय करने को।य़ह कहके दादी रो पडी,मैं सब कुछ समझ गया कि आखिर कार दादी के अंतर मन में चल क्या रहा है।वह अंदर ही अंदर गुट रही थी।शरीर से तो टुट ही गई वो पर अब शायद वह अपनी मानसिकता को उस और ले जा रही थी जिसका मुझे बचपन से डर लगता है। दादी रोते रोते बोली ‘’अब मुझे जाना है,यही मेरा लक्ष्य है’’।अपनों से बिछडने का डर उसकी आँखो और बातों में साफ झलक रहा था।दादी के यह शब्द मुझे अंदर से काट रहे थे जैसे-‘’चली जाऊँगी एक दिन बिना कुछ बताए हुए’’।अब मुझे समझ आ गय़ा कि दादी कहना क्या चाहती है। जिंदगी का आखिरी पडाव वह होता है जब  जिंदगी में स्थिरता आती है,कुछ करने को कुछ सोचने को कुछ नहीं होता ,उसी को वृद्धावस्था  कहते है।और जैसा की दादी कहती है स्थिरता मतलब अब कोई लक्ष्य नही रहा ,क्यों कि उसे करने की नाही तो शारीरिक ताकत रहती है ना ही मानसिक उर्जा ।

इन शब्दों की बहुत गहराई से समीक्षा कर रहा हूँ , पुरी तरह निष्कर्ष तो नही निकाल पाया हूँ ,पर हाँ दादी की ये बातें कहीं जगह सटीक बैठती पाई है मैने।   दादी यह सब बताने के बाद सो गई और मैं भी एक गहरी सोच लिए वहाँ से चल पडा।

                                    

                                                                                      

                                                                                                वा रे जिंदगी

अच्छा खासा सो रहा था पता नहीं कहाँ से एक ब़डा ही विचित्र सपना प्रत्यक्ष आ खडा हुआ है ,भयभीत हो उठा हूँ,मन बेचैन सा हो गया है । आज सपने में दादी से जीने की वजह पूछ डाली,जो कतेही नहीं पूछनी चाहीए थी। दादी के पास इस प्रश्न का उत्तर बना बनाया प़डा था,बस इंतजार था  तो मेरे जैसे किसी जिघासा पूर्ण व्यक्ति के पूछने का, उत्तर था मरने के लिए ।एक बार के लिए  तो लगा दादी ऐसे ही हँसी दिल लगी कर रही है मुझसे ,पर नहीँ ,मुख्य बात यह थी कि वह बोली में लाख कोशिश करने के बावजूद उसमें छिपी उस मार्मिकता को छिपाने मे असक्षम रही जिसे जानने के लिए मैं बडा व्याकुल था। दादी 80 साल की है,जिंदगी की बडी अच्छी समझ लिए थी। फिर मैने दादी को विस्तार से समझाने को कहा ,मेरी यह जानने की तीव्र इच्छा थी कि दादी ने अपनी जिने की वजह मरना है इसलिए क्यों कहा ।

                                 व्यक्ति जन्म लेता है,तो मैं बीच में जट से बोल पडा. हां वो तो मैने भी लिया है। दादी मुझे फटकार कर आगे बडी, व्यक्ति जिंदगी  के हर पडाव पर एक लक्ष्य निधार्रित करता है,उसे पाने के लिए वह काम करता है,काम करता है तो उसका समय कटता है,इसलिए बिना लक्ष्य बाधें समय काटना मेरी समझ के बाहर है।और यहीं से शुरू होती होती है  जिंदगी की स्पर्धा ,समय के साथ साथ रुचियाँ बदलती है, नये नये लक्ष्य  जुडते चले जाते है , और जो व्यक्ति यह करने में नाकाम रहता है,वह आत्मदाह कर लेता है,कयोँ कि वह जिंदगी जीने की वजह ढुढने मे नाकाम रहता है। इसी दौरान ससांरिक कष्ट,वेदना ,शारीरिक पीडा जैसी विपदाएं भी समक्ष आ खडी होती चली जाती है,लेकिन इन सब से ऊपर उठकर जो जिना सिख लेता है ,वही सही मान्य़ में जीवन के रस पाने योग्य है,इसे ही जिना कहते है । जिंदगी की वास्तविकता बताने के दौरान दादी ने बडी ही अनोखी विचारधारा मेरे प्रत्यक्ष ला पटकी। व्यक्ति जिस सुख के पीछे भागता है दरअसल वह दुख के अभाव के बिना संभव नहीं।स्थायी जिंदगी नहीं जी जा सकती। दुख के आभास के बिना सुख का आभास नहीं किया जा सकता । दुख है तो उससे निकलने की एक वजह जिंदगी जिने की वजह बन जाती है और इसलिए खुदा ने दुख-सुख दोनो को साथ संजोया है। मिठा फल कडवे फल से अच्छा लगता है पर क्यों,क्यों कि वह कडवा नहीं है।बिना कडवे की पहचान के बिना फल मीठा कैसे हो सकता है।दादी के इस उदाहरण ने मुझे बडी सहजता से दुख-सुख दोनो की आवश्यकता  का बोध करा दिया। किंतु अभी भी मैं किसी निष्कर्ष पर नहीं पहुँच पाया और नहीं जान पाया कि दादी ने अपने जीने की वजह मरना है क्यों बताया। य़ह सब जानने के बाद मेरी व्याकुलता  और तीव्र हो उठी,और दादी के प्रत्यक्ष यही सवाल ला पटका।

                                   दादी स्तब्ध रह गई मानों वह उस सवाल का जवाब अपने अंदर ही रखना चाहती थी।उसकी आवाज. कपकपाने लगी,मार्मिकता का स्थर भी ऊपर उठ गया। अपनी दादी की आवाज. में एक डर साफ दिखाई पड रहा था मुझे।  हिम्मत करके वह बोल पडी,क्यों की मेरे पास अब कोई लक्ष्य नहीं है निश्चय करने को।य़ह कहके दादी रो पडी,मैं सब कुछ समझ गया कि आखिर कार दादी के अंतर मन में चल क्या रहा है।वह अंदर ही अंदर गुट रही थी।शरीर से तो टुट ही गई वो पर अब शायद वह अपनी मानसिकता को उस और ले जा रही थी जिसका मुझे बचपन से डर लगता है। दादी रोते रोते बोली ‘’अब मुझे जाना है,यही मेरा लक्ष्य है’’।अपनों से बिछडने का डर उसकी आँखो और बातों में साफ झलक रहा था।दादी के यह शब्द मुझे अंदर से काट रहे थे जैसे-‘’चली जाऊँगी एक दिन बिना कुछ बताए हुए’’।अब मुझे समझ आ गय़ा कि दादी कहना क्या चाहती है। जिंदगी का आखिरी पडाव वह होता है जब  जिंदगी में स्थिरता आती है,कुछ करने को कुछ सोचने को कुछ नहीं होता ,उसी को वृद्धावस्था  कहते है।और जैसा की दादी कहती है स्थिरता मतलब अब कोई लक्ष्य नही रहा ,क्यों कि उसे करने की नाही तो शारीरिक ताकत रहती है ना ही मानसिक उर्जा ।

इन शब्दों की बहुत गहराई से समीक्षा कर रहा हूँ , पुरी तरह निष्कर्ष तो नही निकाल पाया हूँ ,पर हाँ दादी की ये बातें कहीं जगह सटीक बैठती पाई है मैने।   दादी यह सब बताने के बाद सो गई और मैं भी एक गहरी सोच लिए वहाँ से चल पडा।